Post by fromtheotherside on Dec 1, 2006 10:59:41 GMT
Serious question.... Should they?
Do you think this is a healthy place for those that have lost someone and are still working through that process?
Do you think this place could do more damage at this time for them individuals?
Do you think this place just adds to their bitterness, anger,rage and feeling of betrayal?
Now don't get me wrong, I do not and have always stated that anyone who has lost someone dear to them,should NEVER goto medium until they have worked through that grief process as this can cause more damage and prolong that process. I do believe that BP has its place,when someone has worked through that process and they are thinking of seeing am medium etc then come on here... Wouldn't it be more constructive for that person to visit a grief counselor? A good friend to talk to? Grab some cushions to whack and go outside and throw some plates against a wall..finding some release for all those terrible feelings that they have no control over at this time?
What do you guys think?
Last Edit: Dec 1, 2006 11:01:47 GMT by fromtheotherside
I agree with everything you have said Kendra. I certainly don't think this forum, or any that deal with mediums are a good idea for recently bereaved people who are still coming to terms with their loss. Times like that can be confusing enough as it is. Mixed emotions, denial, trying to understand etc can make it such a difficult time. A forum like this where so many views are expressed would just add to that confusion..IMO
I wouldn't suggest a site like this. I wouldn't suggest any site when you've just lost someone!
My Dad died in November 1991 and friend of mine was going to a show with a meduim (not a sitting, it was in a theatre), and tried to get me to go. It was on my dad's birthday - the first since he'd died. (I'm not explaining this well, sorry). I wouldn't go. Mainly because I was frightened!
I think friends are who you need when you lose someone.
My mum died just before Christmas 1996. My ex couldn't deal with my grief, nor the grief of my eldest boy, who had just turned 5.
Dealing with grief alone is very, very difficult. Had I been as reliant on the internet then, as I am now, I could well have found my way to a site like this... It would have made me doubt too many things. Things which have been a comfort...
I don't think it is badly explained at all and I agree, when you are grieving you need friends, or professional help if neccessary. I don't think people telling you your loved ones are still around you etc is a good thing..at that point certainly. Equally, if you have beliefs, or want to believe then you don't want to be on a site where some people are agreeing with those beliefs and others are shooting those beliefs down in flames. You wouldn't know where you were.
I do believe my parents have been in contact with me - although my last 'experience' was over 3 years ago.
When I was clearing my home after my mum had died, I could smell my dad, as if he were standing next to me. My mother had redecorated and re-carperted the house in the time since my dad had died.
When my youngest was born in 1999, a peadeatrician came round with students to go the baby-check. He heard a heart mummer, and my mum's voice, in my head said 'but he's a good colour'. Next thing the doctor said 'but he's a good colour' to the students!
I have not been able to think of my mum and hear her voice since she died. That and one other occasion is the only time I heard it.
It would seem my parents came to me. But I don't feel the need to see a medium.
The one three years ago was when I was going through my divorce. I went out for a ride through the mountains. I love driving! I was a proper daddy's girl, by the way!
As I was driving, I could sense my dad was in the passenger seat. It was almost as if I knew, but didn't twig that it was strange. The feeling got stronger and stronger as I drove, and I had to stop it was so overwhelming.
I can't say I was thinking about him anymore than I usually do. Not sensed him since.
I'm curious as to what Jon makes of that too?
And I'm pretty much one of these who sits on the fence!
Post by fromtheotherside on Dec 1, 2006 12:01:40 GMT
I agree with you guys totally. The thing is though I have no doubt that there have been people on here who are still in that process, now believers/mediums etc would responsibly say..you need a friend,a shoulder to cry on a counselor etc..But I also know some sceptical types(minority on here not majority) would give comforting words etc in one breath,but if that individual dare mention belief in the afterlife they would shoot them down in flames..
You simply cannot do that to people who are going through this terrible ordeal. Rather than backing off and suggesting guidance via friends etc they will rip their hearts out,tread all over it,pop it back when that same person starts to disbelieve in a possibility of an after life and shows obvious signs of bitterness and rage..then them the sceptical bod who has caused this reaction will sit back with a smug look on their faces happy in the knowledge that they have saved this person from the pain of daring or wanting to believe!
As I look through some of the posts,it is actually obvious who is still so darn angry at the loss of someone they care for. And I also see others helping them channel all this terrible emotion into a destructive direction.
Its so very easy to channel that horrible emotion onto the direction of believers/mediums. For some it seems easier to believe there relatives are gone and that is that,rather than the possibility that yes they have gone,to a place you cannot reach them. A place that you cannot hold them,you cannot chat to them, or tell them face to face how much you love them,or ask them why did they leave you?How could they have done this when you needed them so much! All that anger,rage,hurt,pain and frustration...so much easier for some to believe that is that,they are no more. Because to believe that they still exist,means you have to accept that they left you.
Huge difference in someone dieing in the literal sense, because then there wasn't a choice for them to go! They hadn't left you they simply died! The thought of them existing some where else without you can be intolerable for some. Because then....whether you like it or not, you have to then accept that they left you!
If you are feeling bitter,angry,hurt,betrayed, all those horrible emotions that eat away at you....Dont go see a medium,and don't stay on here....
Please, go to a friend,a counselor,smash some things up,shout swear,scream till your blue in the face at that person who has gone. Work through the process,allow yourself to feel that crap inside of you,allow yourself to feel that pain. Don't hold back your tears and all that stuff inside that is churning around like a huge venomous ball...You are hurting..you have a right-to be angry,you have a right to feel that pain..
After,and only after you have worked through that process.. Then decide what you believe,research both sides. But not..not until you have sought the help from another or someone who can help you in a non biased way. To ask for help is not weakness...It means your human!
Post by fromtheotherside on Dec 1, 2006 12:06:19 GMT
oh2bhappy said:
I do believe my parents have been in contact with me - although my last 'experience' was over 3 years ago.
When I was clearing my home after my mum had died, I could smell my dad, as if he were standing next to me. My mother had redecorated and re-carperted the house in the time since my dad had died.
When my youngest was born in 1999, a peadeatrician came round with students to go the baby-check. He heard a heart mummer, and my mum's voice, in my head said 'but he's a good colour'. Next thing the doctor said 'but he's a good colour' to the students!
I have not been able to think of my mum and hear her voice since she died. That and one other occasion is the only time I heard it.
It would seem my parents came to me. But I don't feel the need to see a medium.
Very cool...You found your comfort,your peace in quite a few ways Others will try and dissect,to rip your experiences you believe to be true from you. Don't!Don't allow them to do it. They will do that also from jealousy,you have found that peace,that contentment in what you believe to be true.
And I think its brilliant,that you don't need to find comfort in a medium..I sincerely wish more people could find the peace and knowledge you have inside of you, to not feel they need to goto mediums to find the same
Last Edit: Dec 1, 2006 12:07:48 GMT by fromtheotherside
I did do an article about it shazz and there was a thread but I can't find it.
Kendra, I get your point about the sceptics on here (or SOME of them). You can't give the sympathy one minute and then set out to destroy their beliefs etc the next. I don't believe in an afterlife, I don't believe mediums communicate with the deceased, but that doesn't mean I am right. And therefore I will give my views and arguments but not tell people what to think or belittle them for their beliefs..equally, if someone came on here desperate to believe and have proof to help their grieving I could not lie to them about my thoughts on it all..therefore I would do what you have suggested and gently try to get them to ccept the death first, with the help of family and friends, before coming on here.
I would think there are more then likely other forums that would be more appropriate. Ones that deal with that subject,the loss of a loved one. there they would find that the feeling they have are shared my many. This may be the place to come later when they are over the initial grieving,when ever that may be,it will vary. But of course there are many people so confident that they have ALL the answers that they will flame a noobie who even hints at a belief. Leaving the sceptic with the usual smug satisfaction that they have enlightened some one else and the other poor sod confused and angry at why did they deserve that. Which sceptics would do that?? I think most of us could have a few names spring to the lips,Jon not being one of them .
Post by Mr. Jon Donnis on Dec 1, 2006 12:26:12 GMT
Do you think this is a healthy place for those that have lost someone and are still working through that process?
Probably not I agree. But it is a damn site better than a grieving person going to see a medium.
Do you think this place could do more damage at this time for them individuals?
Hmmm, its a touch question, through personal experience, i know that many people have found comfort through talking about their loss, and trying to explain their feelings.
Sometimes some good solid advice is better than anything, andif they get that from coming on here or reading other peoples experiences than great.
Do you think this place just adds to their bitterness, anger,rage and feeling of betrayal?
Why would they feel bitter for? The only reason they would have those feelings is if they had been to a medium first and been conned.
Just by coming here while they are grieving, there is no reason to feel betrayed etc.
Now don't get me wrong, I do not and have always stated that anyone who has lost someone dear to them,should NEVER goto medium until they have worked through that grief process as this can cause more damage and prolong that process.
People are very good at hiding their emotions. So you turn someone away cause they are grieving, you explain to them the reasons, do you honestly think they dont just find another medium, and pretend they are not grieving?I know it happens.
I do believe that BP has its place,when someone has worked through that process and they are thinking of seeing am medium etc then come on here...
Damn right we have a place. I prefer to help people before they see the medium, but sometimes that is not possible, as usually people seekout this site after they have been conned.
Wouldn't it be more constructive for that person to visit a grief counselor?
Yep, of course it would, but when you have magical people promising they can talk to your dead mother, going to a grief counselor suddenly doesnt sound as interesting.
A good friend to talk to? Grab some cushions to whack and go outside and throw some plates against a wall..finding some release for all those terrible feelings that they have no control over at this time?
Again i totally agree BUT mediums are stopping people from doing this because of their magical promises
A bad ass who will beat you like he's using the fists of god.
I think it's sad that people might be so alone they have no choice but to come to a site for answers.
As I said, had it been now when I lost my um, and not 10 years ago, it could well have been me. I felt at the time I had no one to turn to.
That is the time that kindness and understanding needs to be dished out - even if you don't believe it. No references need to be made to an afterlife - whether you believe in it or not. I think many people just need their loss to be acknowledged.
Post by Mr. Jon Donnis on Dec 1, 2006 12:27:46 GMT
Others will try and dissect,to rip your experiences you believe to be true from you. Don't!Don't allow them to do it. They will do that also from jealousy,you have found that peace,that contentment in what you believe to be true
Oh shut up Kendra, stop being such a twat. No one on here does that.
A bad ass who will beat you like he's using the fists of god.
Post by Mr. Jon Donnis on Dec 1, 2006 12:30:36 GMT
But I also know some sceptical types(minority on here not majority) would give comforting words etc in one breath,but if that individual dare mention belief in the afterlife they would shoot them down in flames..
Utter b***cks.
I speak to a lot of people who are grieving, and I NEVER rip into their beliefs of the afterlife, if that makes them happy then fine.
You simply cannot do that to people who are going through this terrible ordeal. Rather than backing off and suggesting guidance via friends etc they will rip their hearts out,tread all over it,pop it back when that same person starts to disbelieve in a possibility of an after life and shows obvious signs of bitterness and rage..then them the sceptical bod who has caused this reaction will sit back with a smug look on their faces happy in the knowledge that they have saved this person from the pain of daring or wanting to believe!
Utter fucking b***cks kendra and you know it.
What mediums do is pure evil, and you try to paint as as the bad guys?
I really cant be arsed to reply to the rest of your nonsense today kendra.
i really thought you were smarter than that
A bad ass who will beat you like he's using the fists of god.
Post by Mr. Jon Donnis on Dec 1, 2006 12:33:32 GMT
The one three years ago was when I was going through my divorce. I went out for a ride through the mountains. I love driving! I was a proper daddy's girl, by the way!
As I was driving, I could sense my dad was in the passenger seat. It was almost as if I knew, but didn't twig that it was strange. The feeling got stronger and stronger as I drove, and I had to stop it was so overwhelming.
I can't say I was thinking about him anymore than I usually do. Not sensed him since.
I'm curious as to what Jon makes of that too?
It sounds like a lovely feeling you had there, a nice memory that you will have with you forever.
I remember my nan telling me that after my G'Dad died, that she woke up one night and saw him in the room, he was messing by a chair, had his coat and his cap on.
It really comforted her, and helped her a lot i think.
I would say the same about your experience too.
Real or not, there is no denying that it is a nice memory for you which made you feel good at the time
A bad ass who will beat you like he's using the fists of god.
Post by Mr. Jon Donnis on Dec 1, 2006 12:34:39 GMT
fromtheotherside said:
I'm curious as to what Jon makes of that too?
Why?
Because people respect my opinion. Why do you find it so hard to accept that people like and respect me Kendra? And that they may be interested in what i have to say
A bad ass who will beat you like he's using the fists of god.