Post by splynter on Jan 2, 2015 6:54:09 GMT
I hope that I'm forgiven for posting this, again. I recently noticed that Most Haunted was back on, although there is a notice on the screen, at the start of each episode, that the show is for entertainment purposes, only. This is my personal mocking of Most Haunted!
--------------------------------------------------
Verdict? A load of shambolics! Alongside all other programmes about Paranormal Investigation, this programme must be the most justly despised of them all!
This nauseating mix of profit-seeking, showtime organisation and disgraceful degrees of fraudulent claims of poltergeist activity, ought to be banned from public viewing and the participants should be arrested and charged with their crimes of fakery.
Yvette Fielding (the cheesy Commander In Chief of Frauds Inc) should get the longest sentence - she is, no doubt, the real ringleader of this joke!
And, for Derek Acorah, read "Con Quixote" or "Derek Fake Aura". I can't stomach thinking about this smug creature long enough to think of anything to say, except that, in the world of paranormal research, this smarmy freak is little more than a sideshow conjuror.
The worst aspects of this excuse for a programme are...
- Periodic switches from colour video to black and white video, and back, repeatedly;
- Pseudo-spooky music (also employed during interviews and conversations, from time to time);
- Ad' breaks are bumpered with the usual jerky camera trickery and a tragic attempt at more spooky music and screams, to reel in the gullible fools who might be better off making a pot of tea and watching something more worthy of their time, such as watching iron as it rusts!
- Ludicrously overstated, 'paranormal' references in Fielding's dreary soft-selling commentary;
- Deliberate addition of apparent 'scratches' and scratched-film flawing;
- Frequent mandatory green close-ups of a bumbling amateur's right nostril, with walk-on, walk-off parts played by their left nostril on alternating shows;
- The compulsory 1.4 SPS (Screams-Per-Show) from Fielding (who has delusions of being an actress, or even a competent presenter, one day);
- A grovelling historian who reminds me more of some obsequious rodent, smugly tangled up in this 'play-along-or-leave-the-show' con! (Money, Money, Money!)
Make no mistake: objects 'moved' have, without doubt, been quite genuinely moved: they've been moved by those in the group who are almost always out of the view of the cameras and who also practise innocent facial expressions in front of a mirror, every day. Those 'touched' or 'hit' / 'struck' are virtually always conveniently off-camera when it happens.
Fielding's desperate pleas to 'the spirits' to 'make a sound', 'move the table' or to 'knock on something' are clearly nothing more caring than the desperate wish that a living human being (right there with them) would take the hint and start looking for a stone or a spoon to throw, on cue - the camera guy's probably a good bet! Fielding is, at best, an artificially fear-stricken grandstander! (Money, Money, Money!)
The table-turning sideshows are ridiculously unscientific. It beggars belief that viewers are unable to see it for themselves: too many table movements where a part of the table is simply not visible; too many glass movements that are, no doubt, guided by the finger of one of the con-artist participants around the table's edge. If they were genuine, they would include FULL REGULATION of every table-turning, to rescue it from what it currently is: a pantomime, starring several hidden thumbs, feet and knees!
But, of course, there's no money to be grabbed by these people from being scientific and realistic. (Money, Money, Money!)
WHEN THEY DO THIS PROGRAMME, THEY ARE MOCKING PARANORMAL RESEARCHERS ALL OVER THE WORLD...AND, THEY ARE MOCKING THEIR VIEWERS, BELIEVERS OR OTHERWISE!
Then, there is Stuart ('Throw-A-Glass-Darkly') Torevell - the show's intellectually weakest link for unconvincing melodrama, whose antics and amateur dramatics are enough to make any audience laugh at his feeble acting attempts. What is this clueless excuse for an 'investigator' even doing in any such production? ("I don't know why...I don't know!") My thoughts exactly, Stuart! Mind you...I'm not surprised they have a rigger on their team...there's so much rigging to do! I can't believe that this man actually, while visible on camera, grabbed the seance glass and threw it at the wall! I still have the little video clip of him doing that!
(HEY, STUART...PEOPLE IN STONE HOUSES SHOULDN'T THROW GLASS!)
Carl...it's all he can do to not smirk while he's mumbling out his most recent ('I just wanna get outa here!') contribution to the play-acting, on being prompted by Yvette's 'Are you alright, Carl?'! And, let's not forget about Carl and Stuart, together, when sent into some other part of the allegedly haunted site when the Screams-Per-Show factor is looking a little bleak for their bank accounts and glory ratings? What can I say apart from: ONE OF THESE GUYS IS THE VILLAGE IDIOT AND THE OTHER GUY IS HIS ROLE MODEL!
Ciaran is the show's only hope! But, even he sounds swayed, at times and even looks a touch embarrassed at some of the slack that he feels contractually obliged to cut, for 'Team Shambles UK'! If Ciaran wants to loyally serve Paranormal Research, he will 'out' these fakes, time after time, before he inflicts irreparable damage on the credibility of all paranormal investigators!
A PARALLEL EXAMPLE OF THESE BUNGLERS!
I am reminded of a bunch of thrill-seeking, easily frightened school children on a ghost-hunt in their local churchyard. One brings daddy's plastic torch with red paper taped over the front of it. One brings his big sister's tape recorder. One brings his mummy's Polaroid Instamatic camera to photograph ghosts. There they stand, around the gravestones, and no actual approach is planned, because that would mar their fun.
Then, a sleepy owl in the uppermost branches of a nearby tree flaps it's wings, noisily! The kids all scream and swear their heads off and run into one another in their hastiness to leave the churchyard. They swear, they thrash about, they bump into stones and tear along the pathways, until they are back on the pavement outside the churchyard and are all laughing at each other, albeit with pale (and, blissfully, not green) faces! Every movement of the grass in the breeze, or every creaking of tree branches was labelled paranormal, just for the drama and thrill of it! If these kids were later offered money (from the school funds) for adding interesting articles to their school's monthly magazine (Money, Money, Money!), it's my guess that there would be (ever-so-mysteriously) a steady increase in the number of those 'paranormal' things happening by the end of the 3rd month - even if they never happened at all! They'd get more and more frequent and be less and less real, as the school magazine months go by. The first night would've been called: "Owl In A Tree!". But, realising that they are on to a good thing, and to get even more money from the school fund, Mister Owl's flapping of wings, that first night, would be published as: "The Evil, Demonic Spirits Behind The Entities Of Mystifying Attack Of The Rampaging Paranormal Tree".
Next stop...studio audience! Ker-ching! Meet the crew of "Most Haunted"!
I've never seen such a poorly suited, horrendously under-couraged clutch of Amateurville Horrors, hopelessly (or profitably) unable to control their responses and just grow some courage - LONG ENOUGH TO GET SOME WORK DONE, ON THEIR QUEST!
Maybe somebody could answer a question for me.
I've just watched an episode of Most Haunted. In it, a claim was made that nobody could possibly access the details of the venue for that episode. I've heard this claim made, by the team, for many other places on the Most Haunted crew's travels. Once Acorah had done some 'tuning in' and had given some details, the 'historian', Richard Felix was asked if he could confirm some of them. He could...and did. How could he do that if those details are impossible to research by people? And, if the historian is able to access them, how much easier would access to them be...for a WEALTHY pseudo-medium?
Another point...if OfCom said that it would no further pursue a complaint against this programme because the programme's presenters make no claim that it is an attempt at serious paranormal investigation (a rare moment of honesty for the MH team?), then that is damning enough evidence to the British public that they are being had by this ramshackle (barely well-scripted) Soap Opera. And, if the Most Haunted people start claiming that it IS A SERIOUS ATTEMPT AT PARANORMAL INVESTIGATION, then OfCom SHOULD re-open the old complaint, given that 'seriousness' claim as new evidence! Watch the episodes...if they start claiming to be engaged in serious paranormal investigation, WRITE TO OFCOM AND TELL THEM ABOUT IT!
And now, for the saddest part of the Most Haunted 'Spooks-R-Us' fiasco? Well, let's assume that there might...JUST MIGHT...be departed spirits around these clueless dabblers. I feel sad for those spirits who may one day really be somewhere around these outsiders and which spirits would surely feel total despair at being made unwilling participants in profit-hungry play-acting and party-tricks, occasionally even in their name, or feel even ridiculed and mocked by such clumsy fumblings. Just...where would they go next, to be heard? How could they ever trust anybody, again? And, how much would that inability to trust worsen their possible despair? I wonder...will some Firm of solicitors one day defend disembodied spirits from such amateur intrusions in 21st Century Britain? And, I wonder what they'll charge, where they'll send the bill and how much of it will be televised?
IN A PROGRAMME THAT COULD HAVE BEEN DEDICATED TO THE EFFORTS OF SERIOUS PARANORMAL INVESTIGATORS, THE ACORAH-STYLE FAKER WOULD BE REGARDED AN EMBARRASSING, SUB-HUMAN JESTER! SADLY, IN A PROGRAM PACKED WITH ACORAH-STYLE FAKERS AND CON ARTISTS, THE SERIOUS PARANORMAL RESEARCHER RAPIDLY BECOMES THE ONE MADE TO LOOK LIKE A FOOL! You can sense the embarrassment in their posture and voice. It's a bizarre reversal in ideas!
I hope somebody will, one day, create a real investigative television programme and will employ real and objective methods and professional people. If such a programme comes to the small screen, then for goodness' sake...don't send in the Most Haunted rodeo-clowns.
----------------------------------------
Sit tight for our next presentation...brought to you from the DECK OF THE RMS TITANIC!
MOST HAUNTED LIVE: THE TITANIC!
"Oh, Yvie...I'm getting, I'm getting...I sense disaster at sea...no-no-no...what's that, Sam?...yes...better word...catastrophe." Derek drags his air-hose along with him, making fake gurgling and bubbly noises.
"Well, yes Derek," said Ciaran, his Anger-Meter clicking away. "We're on the deck of the RMS Titanic at the bottom of the North Atlantic, surrounded by oodles of wet skeletons and a s*itload of barnacles and rust! Are you getting anything else equally Earth-moving?"
"I'll try!" Derek closed his eyes and pulled another ugly face. "I sense the ship going down...it's going down."
"You're kidding!" said Yvette. "On-the-level?"
"No," gave Derek. "She's going down by the bow!"
"They do that when they sink, Derek," Richard (the hysterical historic) cut in. "Here's the bizarre thing. I've studied disasters at sea and it does actually say in my books that, when ships sink, they have this quite dangerous tendency to go downwards. It's a well-documented fact, actually, in that very few of the sunken ships were ever again found above the waterline. I'm sure I speak for everybody present when I say that this is highly mystifying and worthy of further investigation and four more episode-fuls of money so that I can finish my conservatory!"
Stuart cut in, "Duuuuuh...wot?"
Shut-up, Stuart!" barked Yvette. "And, put that f---ing glass down!"
Derek continued: "Yes...I'm getting that ship sensation from the ether full of really spooky entities, now. Thank you, Ciaran and Richard! I'm glad you raised that."
"Raised it? Oh, no-no!" Yvette laughed. "That was just a movie they made about it."
Derek continues..."I feel lots of water...water..."
"There could well be water involved in this story, Derek, " gave Ciaran, as his Anger-Meter wobbled in unpredictable fashion.
Yvette was beside herself! "This truly is ground-breaking evidence of a mystical afterlife and will bring about the alteration of the entire fatalistic direction of the Human Race for all eternity, or maybe a slight touch longer."
Derek started thrashing around, going through the motions of somebody swimming "The entities are in the water. I sense people in the water and the water getting into the people."
The Historian frantically flicked through both of his records, "Well, yes...lots of folks were in the water, lots of water got into the people in the water and they sorta drowned, and stuff! Truly amazing - nobody could possibly have known that, before the start of this programme! Can I get paid, now?"
Really-well-suited-competent-and-charismatic-interesting Catherine put a hand on her chest, "I can't...I can't breathe!"
Yvette was concerned for Catherine's safety, "Say yes to the oxygen next time, bitch!"
Stuart cut in, "Duuuuuh...wot?"
Shut-up, Stuart!" barked Yvette. "And, put that f---ing glass down!"
"Thanks for your help, Sam," Derek smugged. "Your cheque's in the ether and don't forget to put pussy out before you turn in! The residual energies are...just hold on...what's that again, Sam?...yes...okay...the residual energies are a little wet! Wet! That could involve water, Yvie!"
"You're kidding...you're getting 'water', here beneath the surface of the North Atlantic...imagine! That's really amazing, Derek! This could revolutionise paranormal investigation for at least two-point-two aeons, or until the end of the series - whichever comes first!"
Derek closed his eyes and spoke, triumphantly. "I think this was the site of a major ship sinking?" asked Derek.
"Derek!" Yvette bubbled. "This episode is on the deck of the fu__ing Titanic!"
"I know," hissed Derek, paranormally. "You told me, last week!"
"DON'T GIVE US AWAY, DEREK!" screamed Yvette's nostrils, greenly. "YOU'RE F--ING FIRED!"
"SAM!" Derek screamed at his spirit friend, paler than before. "YOU'RE F--ING FIRED!"
With that, Ciaran's Anger-Meter exploded, "I'm under-qualified for this job...I wish I was a Blue Peter presenter!"
The camera guy said, "Make-a-hole! New Tesco spoon coming through!"
Stuart cut in, "Duuuuuh...wot?"
Ian.
--------------------------------------------------
Verdict? A load of shambolics! Alongside all other programmes about Paranormal Investigation, this programme must be the most justly despised of them all!
This nauseating mix of profit-seeking, showtime organisation and disgraceful degrees of fraudulent claims of poltergeist activity, ought to be banned from public viewing and the participants should be arrested and charged with their crimes of fakery.
Yvette Fielding (the cheesy Commander In Chief of Frauds Inc) should get the longest sentence - she is, no doubt, the real ringleader of this joke!
And, for Derek Acorah, read "Con Quixote" or "Derek Fake Aura". I can't stomach thinking about this smug creature long enough to think of anything to say, except that, in the world of paranormal research, this smarmy freak is little more than a sideshow conjuror.
The worst aspects of this excuse for a programme are...
- Periodic switches from colour video to black and white video, and back, repeatedly;
- Pseudo-spooky music (also employed during interviews and conversations, from time to time);
- Ad' breaks are bumpered with the usual jerky camera trickery and a tragic attempt at more spooky music and screams, to reel in the gullible fools who might be better off making a pot of tea and watching something more worthy of their time, such as watching iron as it rusts!
- Ludicrously overstated, 'paranormal' references in Fielding's dreary soft-selling commentary;
- Deliberate addition of apparent 'scratches' and scratched-film flawing;
- Frequent mandatory green close-ups of a bumbling amateur's right nostril, with walk-on, walk-off parts played by their left nostril on alternating shows;
- The compulsory 1.4 SPS (Screams-Per-Show) from Fielding (who has delusions of being an actress, or even a competent presenter, one day);
- A grovelling historian who reminds me more of some obsequious rodent, smugly tangled up in this 'play-along-or-leave-the-show' con! (Money, Money, Money!)
Make no mistake: objects 'moved' have, without doubt, been quite genuinely moved: they've been moved by those in the group who are almost always out of the view of the cameras and who also practise innocent facial expressions in front of a mirror, every day. Those 'touched' or 'hit' / 'struck' are virtually always conveniently off-camera when it happens.
Fielding's desperate pleas to 'the spirits' to 'make a sound', 'move the table' or to 'knock on something' are clearly nothing more caring than the desperate wish that a living human being (right there with them) would take the hint and start looking for a stone or a spoon to throw, on cue - the camera guy's probably a good bet! Fielding is, at best, an artificially fear-stricken grandstander! (Money, Money, Money!)
The table-turning sideshows are ridiculously unscientific. It beggars belief that viewers are unable to see it for themselves: too many table movements where a part of the table is simply not visible; too many glass movements that are, no doubt, guided by the finger of one of the con-artist participants around the table's edge. If they were genuine, they would include FULL REGULATION of every table-turning, to rescue it from what it currently is: a pantomime, starring several hidden thumbs, feet and knees!
But, of course, there's no money to be grabbed by these people from being scientific and realistic. (Money, Money, Money!)
WHEN THEY DO THIS PROGRAMME, THEY ARE MOCKING PARANORMAL RESEARCHERS ALL OVER THE WORLD...AND, THEY ARE MOCKING THEIR VIEWERS, BELIEVERS OR OTHERWISE!
Then, there is Stuart ('Throw-A-Glass-Darkly') Torevell - the show's intellectually weakest link for unconvincing melodrama, whose antics and amateur dramatics are enough to make any audience laugh at his feeble acting attempts. What is this clueless excuse for an 'investigator' even doing in any such production? ("I don't know why...I don't know!") My thoughts exactly, Stuart! Mind you...I'm not surprised they have a rigger on their team...there's so much rigging to do! I can't believe that this man actually, while visible on camera, grabbed the seance glass and threw it at the wall! I still have the little video clip of him doing that!
(HEY, STUART...PEOPLE IN STONE HOUSES SHOULDN'T THROW GLASS!)
Carl...it's all he can do to not smirk while he's mumbling out his most recent ('I just wanna get outa here!') contribution to the play-acting, on being prompted by Yvette's 'Are you alright, Carl?'! And, let's not forget about Carl and Stuart, together, when sent into some other part of the allegedly haunted site when the Screams-Per-Show factor is looking a little bleak for their bank accounts and glory ratings? What can I say apart from: ONE OF THESE GUYS IS THE VILLAGE IDIOT AND THE OTHER GUY IS HIS ROLE MODEL!
Ciaran is the show's only hope! But, even he sounds swayed, at times and even looks a touch embarrassed at some of the slack that he feels contractually obliged to cut, for 'Team Shambles UK'! If Ciaran wants to loyally serve Paranormal Research, he will 'out' these fakes, time after time, before he inflicts irreparable damage on the credibility of all paranormal investigators!
A PARALLEL EXAMPLE OF THESE BUNGLERS!
I am reminded of a bunch of thrill-seeking, easily frightened school children on a ghost-hunt in their local churchyard. One brings daddy's plastic torch with red paper taped over the front of it. One brings his big sister's tape recorder. One brings his mummy's Polaroid Instamatic camera to photograph ghosts. There they stand, around the gravestones, and no actual approach is planned, because that would mar their fun.
Then, a sleepy owl in the uppermost branches of a nearby tree flaps it's wings, noisily! The kids all scream and swear their heads off and run into one another in their hastiness to leave the churchyard. They swear, they thrash about, they bump into stones and tear along the pathways, until they are back on the pavement outside the churchyard and are all laughing at each other, albeit with pale (and, blissfully, not green) faces! Every movement of the grass in the breeze, or every creaking of tree branches was labelled paranormal, just for the drama and thrill of it! If these kids were later offered money (from the school funds) for adding interesting articles to their school's monthly magazine (Money, Money, Money!), it's my guess that there would be (ever-so-mysteriously) a steady increase in the number of those 'paranormal' things happening by the end of the 3rd month - even if they never happened at all! They'd get more and more frequent and be less and less real, as the school magazine months go by. The first night would've been called: "Owl In A Tree!". But, realising that they are on to a good thing, and to get even more money from the school fund, Mister Owl's flapping of wings, that first night, would be published as: "The Evil, Demonic Spirits Behind The Entities Of Mystifying Attack Of The Rampaging Paranormal Tree".
Next stop...studio audience! Ker-ching! Meet the crew of "Most Haunted"!
I've never seen such a poorly suited, horrendously under-couraged clutch of Amateurville Horrors, hopelessly (or profitably) unable to control their responses and just grow some courage - LONG ENOUGH TO GET SOME WORK DONE, ON THEIR QUEST!
Maybe somebody could answer a question for me.
I've just watched an episode of Most Haunted. In it, a claim was made that nobody could possibly access the details of the venue for that episode. I've heard this claim made, by the team, for many other places on the Most Haunted crew's travels. Once Acorah had done some 'tuning in' and had given some details, the 'historian', Richard Felix was asked if he could confirm some of them. He could...and did. How could he do that if those details are impossible to research by people? And, if the historian is able to access them, how much easier would access to them be...for a WEALTHY pseudo-medium?
Another point...if OfCom said that it would no further pursue a complaint against this programme because the programme's presenters make no claim that it is an attempt at serious paranormal investigation (a rare moment of honesty for the MH team?), then that is damning enough evidence to the British public that they are being had by this ramshackle (barely well-scripted) Soap Opera. And, if the Most Haunted people start claiming that it IS A SERIOUS ATTEMPT AT PARANORMAL INVESTIGATION, then OfCom SHOULD re-open the old complaint, given that 'seriousness' claim as new evidence! Watch the episodes...if they start claiming to be engaged in serious paranormal investigation, WRITE TO OFCOM AND TELL THEM ABOUT IT!
And now, for the saddest part of the Most Haunted 'Spooks-R-Us' fiasco? Well, let's assume that there might...JUST MIGHT...be departed spirits around these clueless dabblers. I feel sad for those spirits who may one day really be somewhere around these outsiders and which spirits would surely feel total despair at being made unwilling participants in profit-hungry play-acting and party-tricks, occasionally even in their name, or feel even ridiculed and mocked by such clumsy fumblings. Just...where would they go next, to be heard? How could they ever trust anybody, again? And, how much would that inability to trust worsen their possible despair? I wonder...will some Firm of solicitors one day defend disembodied spirits from such amateur intrusions in 21st Century Britain? And, I wonder what they'll charge, where they'll send the bill and how much of it will be televised?
IN A PROGRAMME THAT COULD HAVE BEEN DEDICATED TO THE EFFORTS OF SERIOUS PARANORMAL INVESTIGATORS, THE ACORAH-STYLE FAKER WOULD BE REGARDED AN EMBARRASSING, SUB-HUMAN JESTER! SADLY, IN A PROGRAM PACKED WITH ACORAH-STYLE FAKERS AND CON ARTISTS, THE SERIOUS PARANORMAL RESEARCHER RAPIDLY BECOMES THE ONE MADE TO LOOK LIKE A FOOL! You can sense the embarrassment in their posture and voice. It's a bizarre reversal in ideas!
I hope somebody will, one day, create a real investigative television programme and will employ real and objective methods and professional people. If such a programme comes to the small screen, then for goodness' sake...don't send in the Most Haunted rodeo-clowns.
----------------------------------------
Sit tight for our next presentation...brought to you from the DECK OF THE RMS TITANIC!
MOST HAUNTED LIVE: THE TITANIC!
"Oh, Yvie...I'm getting, I'm getting...I sense disaster at sea...no-no-no...what's that, Sam?...yes...better word...catastrophe." Derek drags his air-hose along with him, making fake gurgling and bubbly noises.
"Well, yes Derek," said Ciaran, his Anger-Meter clicking away. "We're on the deck of the RMS Titanic at the bottom of the North Atlantic, surrounded by oodles of wet skeletons and a s*itload of barnacles and rust! Are you getting anything else equally Earth-moving?"
"I'll try!" Derek closed his eyes and pulled another ugly face. "I sense the ship going down...it's going down."
"You're kidding!" said Yvette. "On-the-level?"
"No," gave Derek. "She's going down by the bow!"
"They do that when they sink, Derek," Richard (the hysterical historic) cut in. "Here's the bizarre thing. I've studied disasters at sea and it does actually say in my books that, when ships sink, they have this quite dangerous tendency to go downwards. It's a well-documented fact, actually, in that very few of the sunken ships were ever again found above the waterline. I'm sure I speak for everybody present when I say that this is highly mystifying and worthy of further investigation and four more episode-fuls of money so that I can finish my conservatory!"
Stuart cut in, "Duuuuuh...wot?"
Shut-up, Stuart!" barked Yvette. "And, put that f---ing glass down!"
Derek continued: "Yes...I'm getting that ship sensation from the ether full of really spooky entities, now. Thank you, Ciaran and Richard! I'm glad you raised that."
"Raised it? Oh, no-no!" Yvette laughed. "That was just a movie they made about it."
Derek continues..."I feel lots of water...water..."
"There could well be water involved in this story, Derek, " gave Ciaran, as his Anger-Meter wobbled in unpredictable fashion.
Yvette was beside herself! "This truly is ground-breaking evidence of a mystical afterlife and will bring about the alteration of the entire fatalistic direction of the Human Race for all eternity, or maybe a slight touch longer."
Derek started thrashing around, going through the motions of somebody swimming "The entities are in the water. I sense people in the water and the water getting into the people."
The Historian frantically flicked through both of his records, "Well, yes...lots of folks were in the water, lots of water got into the people in the water and they sorta drowned, and stuff! Truly amazing - nobody could possibly have known that, before the start of this programme! Can I get paid, now?"
Really-well-suited-competent-and-charismatic-interesting Catherine put a hand on her chest, "I can't...I can't breathe!"
Yvette was concerned for Catherine's safety, "Say yes to the oxygen next time, bitch!"
Stuart cut in, "Duuuuuh...wot?"
Shut-up, Stuart!" barked Yvette. "And, put that f---ing glass down!"
"Thanks for your help, Sam," Derek smugged. "Your cheque's in the ether and don't forget to put pussy out before you turn in! The residual energies are...just hold on...what's that again, Sam?...yes...okay...the residual energies are a little wet! Wet! That could involve water, Yvie!"
"You're kidding...you're getting 'water', here beneath the surface of the North Atlantic...imagine! That's really amazing, Derek! This could revolutionise paranormal investigation for at least two-point-two aeons, or until the end of the series - whichever comes first!"
Derek closed his eyes and spoke, triumphantly. "I think this was the site of a major ship sinking?" asked Derek.
"Derek!" Yvette bubbled. "This episode is on the deck of the fu__ing Titanic!"
"I know," hissed Derek, paranormally. "You told me, last week!"
"DON'T GIVE US AWAY, DEREK!" screamed Yvette's nostrils, greenly. "YOU'RE F--ING FIRED!"
"SAM!" Derek screamed at his spirit friend, paler than before. "YOU'RE F--ING FIRED!"
With that, Ciaran's Anger-Meter exploded, "I'm under-qualified for this job...I wish I was a Blue Peter presenter!"
The camera guy said, "Make-a-hole! New Tesco spoon coming through!"
Stuart cut in, "Duuuuuh...wot?"
Ian.
no it was on TV and I just didn't have the energy to turn the channel over the zapper wasn't at arms length